Why Did I Wear Body Lotion Today?

It was hot today. And I mean HOT. Like cookin' a chicken breast on the street kinda hot. So hot that I could barely function. Seriously. 

I spent what seemed like an entire decade trying to assemble one measly fan this evening. You see, I've been putting off opening the fan box (for about, hm, two days) as my eco-friendly friends seem to be getting the better of me, but today I reached my limit. After all, I'm pretty sure it's not a good thing when just sitting at your laptop reading news headlines makes you break out in a post-intense-workout kinda sweat. My bum was practically slipping off the seat and I had to constantly scooch back up every thirty seconds or so. And that brings me to the reason behind the title of this posting: NEVER WEAR BODY LOTION ON A HOT DAY! You'd think I would've learned this little note-to-self after the terrible experience I had after I decided to lube up before a hot yoga class as I spent the entire hour and a half slipping all over the place like a hopeless puppy on linoleum flooring. It seems that lotions and oils have the cheeky tendency to trap heat into the body on sunny days, almost as if they're plotting against us. Beware! Anyway, about the fan, it's now spinning contentedly in the corner of my room. Only thing is it has no cover! Yes, that's right, out of the corner of my eye and about 4 feet away from my face, I can see a sharp, open blade savagely spinning away, screaming for my fingers to inch their way closer to it’s razor-sharp teeth. Well, maybe my imagination is going a little wild (by the way, for me, craziness is known to be a side effect of brutal heat) but it most definitely is not put together as instructed. You see, the job is only half done as I was midway through when not only the silly protective grill thing decided to pop off, but my sweaty hands took a turn for the worst and I could no longer control the screwdriver. It was like trying to open a door with a key when your fingers are stiff from the icy cold weather...but, in this case, it was the opposite case. My fingers were so hot and clammy the screwdriver was just slopping around between my heat-swollen fingies like a wet sausage. I must say, it was quite the tormenting experience. I mean, taking more than an hour to assemble a fan on hot summer's day is like thirsting for water after a long hike in the glaring sun and then seeing your water bottle in the car, but the car's locked and you've lost the keys. Wow, I am on an analogy-roll tonight! Anyway, the point is that the fan's up and running and doing it's thing BUT missing its sharp blade protection. And for me (especially at the rate my day's going) this is NOT the wisest thing to have near my body. I'll let you know how many fingers and toes I have in the morning but promise me you won't freak out if I say four and a half.  

Moving on... 

The latter part of my day consisted of a 'treasure' hunt. But before you get too excited, the treasure was not chocolate Easter eggs or a bundle of golden coins, but a CREDIT CARD! The hunt started in my wallet; nope, then my desk; nope. And then thing's began to get a little more frantic. Clothes started to fly out of my dresser, pockets were turned inside out and back again more than a million times, cupboards were scoured with a huge and heavy Policeman like flashlight, my bed was frisked, and the trash bags were completely and utterly violated (bear getting it's mitts on the trash style). Still no luck. At this point, I was hungry, tired, fed-up, HOT (of course), and maybe just a little itty bit worried. But then I called my (wise-ish) mother. She said, "Well, Hannah, I hate to say it but you have to THINK about this verrrrry carefully." Think! Oh no, shock horror! Needless to say, I went downstairs and thought. I thought a long time (well during all the TV commercial breaks during my hour-long episode of House hunter’s International) and then…I had an a-ha moment. Up I popped and stealthily made my way into the kitchen. At this point, I was thinking, "No way, Hannah, you couldn’t have, that would be just too ridiculously silly..." But apparently, it was not silly enough for me. Yes, I hate to confess, but I placed my credit card in the FRIDGE…next to the mushrooms! Don't ask.  

Anyway, to wind-down from this eventful day, I decided to look up beautiful things that make heat much more bearable. Here's what I found: